Friday, May 3, 2013

Hide Yo Computah, Hide Yo Bank Account, They be Scammin' Ev'ybody Around Here

Okay, this is a repeat article, updated and revised to reflect the fact that you people did not listen to me the last time I wrote about online “Speed Up My PC” programs. I am seeing more and more of this “scumware” on my client computers. Many of you have actually subscribed to these services and inevitably have to bring their computers to me to fix the stuff that was supposed to be fixed. Companies like DoubleMySpeed, MaxMySpeed (and various other similar names) have spent millions of dollars on national TV and radio ads hocking their miraculous ability to speed up your computer. In case you haven't already guessed, they are all pootyheads and don’t do what they say they can do.

But for your benefit, I took some time to mingle with these miscreants to see what this was all about. I unboxed a brand new computer. This computer has never accessed the Internet until I accessed I downloaded their free scanner that did some impressive looking scans then presented scary red numbers telling me how messed up my computer was. I called the 1-800 number for a free consultation and told the lady on the other end that I wanted to “get my computer speeded up.”  

She had me install a bit of software that gave her full control of my computer. I watched as she performed another scan that presented even more scary red numbers. She informed me that my computer was in overall good health but “there was one major problem.” She paused for dramatic effect until I fearfully asked, “What do you mean?” She answered, “You have an infection. Specifically, an identity theft program.”  

“Holy spaceships!” I exclaimed, “How did I get that?” She replied that it came from the Internet and would steal my bank passwords and ruin my credit. “Well what can we do?” She replied, “Well, you could take it to some place like (Big Box Store) and they will charge you over $300.00 to clean the virus.”

“Wow. $300.00? That’s a lot of money,” I said. She replied, “But I have a deal for you. I can provide you with two and a half years of virus protection with free remote support. We will periodically log in remotely and fix any problems you will have. We can do all that for only $479.00.” After I picked-up my jaw from the floor, I told her I would have to think about that and get back to her. I hung up the phone and immediately pounded out this article.

And I only charge $85 bucks for this kind of service! How stupid am I? These people are obviously making millions of dollars off people who are not savvy enough to know they are being conned. Don’t be fooled, friends. When you need computer help, take your system to any one of our quality local people who actually know what they are doing.

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