Thursday, December 29, 2011

DoubleMySpeed MyFanny!

Happy New Years to both my readers!  The year is off to a fresh start and I have vowed to let go of all my previous grievances and start fresh. I think I’ll start with a story about the goons at has spent millions of dollars on national TV and radio ads hocking their miraculous ability to double the speed of your computer, remove viruses and other wild and crazy claims. They offer to do a “free” scan of you computer by visiting their website.

For your benefit, I took some time to see what this was all about. I loaded a fresh copy of Windows on a computer I had lying around the office. This computer has never, ever accessed the Internet until I accessed I downloaded their free scanner that did some impressive looking scans of my computer. A few minutes later, a scary-looking screen with lots of red numbers and exclamation points informed me that I had a whopping 240 errors on my computer!  The screen presented me with a 1-800 number to call for a free consultation. I dialed the number and told the lady on the other end that I wanted to “get my computer speeded up.”

She gave me the address of a website that would give them full remote control of my computer. Once she had control of my computer, I watched as she performed another scan that presented another impressive looking graphic that had even more scary-looking red numbers and exclamation points. She informed me that my computer was in overall good health but “there was one major problem.” She paused for effect while her ominous statement slowly sunk into my brain. I fearfully asked, “What do you mean?” She answered, “You have an infection. Specifically, an identity theft program.”

“Oh my goodness!” I exclaimed, “How did I get that?” She replied that it came from the Internet and would steal all my on-line banking passwords and ruin my credit. “Well what can we do?” I asked in a panic. She replied, “Well, you could take it to some place like (Big Box Store) and they will charge you a $300.00 one-time fee to clean the virus.” She took the time to explain that this virus was very difficult to remove and it would take many hours to make it go away.

“Wow. $300.00 huh? That’s a lot of money,” I said.  She replied, “But I have a deal for you. I can provide you with two and a half years of virus protection with free remote support. We will periodically log in remotely and fix any problems you will have. We can do all that for only $479.00.” After I picked-up my jaw from the floor, I told her I would have to think about that and get back to her. I hung up the phone and immediately pounded out this article.

And I charge $85.00 bucks for this same service! How stupid am I? This kind of pure drivel really gets under my skin. These people are obviously making millions of dollars off people who are not savvy enough to know they are being taken advantage of. Don’t be fooled, friends. When you need computer help, take your system to someone you can trust. That won’t be these sleeze muffins.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Jim, thanks so much for the humorous yet enlightening blog. You're the best! Have a great 2012! -Wray D